I'm a Mom. I live in America.
Before I was a Mom, I was a woman, really a girl, living in America.
Two simple words, American Mom, actually are probably the most complex words imaginable. But, no one ever really wants to be described or limited by 2 words.
So, I won't limit myself, either.
What to say to you, the reader? What could I write that is worth your time to read this?
Well, today, I will write what I'm faced with this day, a Saturday.
In one room of my house, yes I feel blessed to have a home that the bank allows me to live in, are the girls. My two amazing, inspiring, draining future leaders of the world. They are currently helping each other clean their room, supposedly.
In the other room, my super-duper sons (and one friend), playing some game I have tried to play, but will never be good enough to play with them.
Boy #1 is about to head back to college tomorrow. Enter sad mommy face right here!
So, what else about me is interesting?
I have dreams and unrealized aspirations. At 48, I think that is a good thing.
I'm the wife of the world's best guy, ever!
I'm an artist. Something I've just started to call myself this year. I thought it was kinda conceited to claim that title. Seriously, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Monet are artists. See? kinda conceited to say it about yourself. No? Anyway, this year I felt good enough about my art to claim the title myself. Am I a master? Not, yet, but, I have dreams.
I love nature. Like, sit in the woods on a carpet of moss and be at peace by just breathing in the smells and soaking in the sounds of the surrounding nature.
I love animals, including, but not limited to the pets we have. Pets are (1) 100lb Lab/Hound mix, Captain America; (1) 6lb Yorkie (Parti coloring) Storm; (1) 3lb Yorkie Groot; (1) Orange Tabby Phoenix; (1) Guinea Pig Lilo; (9) Hens.
I love people. I love meeting new people and learning about who they are and what they love.
I have experienced the grief of losing loved ones early in life. It never gets easier as I get older.
I am currently battling Breast Cancer.
Not one of these things will tell you who I am, but each is a piece of me.
Please remember that no one person is just one piece of who they are.
Monday, December 2, 2019
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Calling for Support of All Moms
My life has taken many paths since I had my first baby, since I joined the sisterhood of "Mom." It is a sisterhood, a commonality that reaches to the core of being. "I am a Mom." A tiny (now 16 and large) person was born from me, entrusted to me, and this is my main drive in my own life. There is a duality, a conflict at times, and a solidarity, that no other encounter or rendition of one's being can compare to the state of Motherhood. We lose ourselves, find ourselves, erupt with purpose, spark with miracles, and falter often; at times all within a week. The conflicts of existence abound, all while trying to function w/in daily life.
So, we are intrinsically bound to all mothers throughout time. This bond can be a powerful source of strength and support, for the individual, community, and beyond. Can we fully recognize that power and use it well for all of our betterment?
I have had the privilege to reinvent myself multiple times since my first born was staring into my eyes and I back at him, each of us wondering who the other was. My first months were a haze of learning how to care for a baby. I never even babysat an infant, as the youngest of 11 grandchildren there were no younger kids to mind. The sleep deprivation turned me into a different person and I'm not sure that I've ever regained enough sleep for her carefree-ness to return.
After maternity leave ended, the trends, news articles, and people surrounding me discussed options that were available to stay home (SHM) or return to my career (WM). I made the decision to stay home and felt steadfast that this was my higher calling. I did not expect the gradual loss of self that would develop, nor the grand joy and purpose I would feel from this new existence of caring for another person as my life's work.
We humans are a mixed bag, in continual conflict and discovery of our own selves. Does the bird ever wonder why she is? There is freedom and responsibility with choice that can bury you. A blessing and a curse, if you will.
I don't know how to transition this properly. However, I would like to discuss elements of different states of being that I have encountered in my changes from WM to SHM to WM to "laid-off searching" mom and those gray areas between. The purpose being to lay the groundwork for showing the conflict created between moms, dads, and society of alternating chosen paths. There is a conflict pitting mom against mom that is truly a reflection of the internal struggle individuals grapple with daily.
This side of motherhood is not discussed openly, but it exists. I've experienced all sides of it personally.
A mom who is a SAHM is seen as less, and this is openly shared continually w/out respect or consideration to the individual mom's sensitivities. The WM is seen as protected from criticism, for no other reason than it is seen as prejudiced. Both are moms, mostly, on common ground with a family first purpose.
Some criticisms are, of course, from past battle-fronts. Women are the best caregivers; WMs are selfish; SAHMs are lazy: WMs are cold; SAHMs are not smart; either is neglectful; caregiver's main tasks include cleaning & serving every need - regardless of WM/SAHM; socio/econ prejudice's abound; the kids are spoiled or neglected based on the state of the motherhood in their household.
These could go on for pages, you may know them, or even spoke them against someone. They are societal tags laying shadows upon those key common goals shared by all mothers, the well-being of our children.
Instead of rallying w/each other, moms may lash out at other moms as an aid to justify her own choice.
I'll plainly state it: SAHM, WM, and all the variations in-between are states of motherhood. One scenario is not better than the other. We cannot assume what is best for another mom. Only she can choose best for her and her family.
Our challenge really is: How do we best support each mom so she can choose the best application of her skills, traits, and resources to the betterment of her children?
This is not something that should be controlled. Power corrupts. How do we help our children w/out control and force? The concept of force for the betterment of anyone falls into the extreme, out of the norm, it is a slippery-slope. A case where the common goals are not shared by a mom, would fall into this. However, we cannot build a society around the extreme, which is what we do currently in government. A system is built to encompass every possibility to ensure safety. I get it. It is not optimal. I'd like to speak about an optimal approach to supporting society with the power and influence of Mothers.
My experiences:
SAHM
Activities with little kids included playdates; preschool; making friends with moms I didn't know to socialize my children; researching EVERYTHING; installing safety gadgets; creating schedules; attempting to keep schedules; shopping - my Lord - shopping for food, clothes, diapers, and gear; cook; budget; clip, sort, throw out expired coupons; laundry; doctor appts; inside home care; home decor; outside home care; Schedule appointments, repairs, socialization, and more; exercise; quality outside time; discover the local world of parks, playgrounds, shops, restaurants; the Library
SAHM w/some work (freelance, barter, and pro-bono)
Activities with grade school kids included
school prep including proper clothing, lunches, supplies; daily morning schedule; daily afternoon schedule; sport's gear, sign-ups, schedules, transport, budget; paperwork; inside home care; home decor; outside home care; laundry; library; weekend sports; school events; Volunteer; work sporadically; schedule melding of school, sports, work, events, social; cook; shop; research EVERYTHING; Health appts; FORMS!; Networking for socialization, staying informed, opportunities; exercise; dispute referee
SAHM searching for work
All of the above.
Plus, applying for jobs, resume revisions, interviews, child coverage orchestration (also, learn the art of the phone interview while occupying children)
WM full-time work
All of the above.
Plus full-time work, research to catch-up for the 10 yrs as SAHM, and work outside of work hours
* After plenty of years alternating the above roles, I conclude that SAHM is, in fact, the hardest role on earth.
Suck it up WMs and give credit where credit is due.
-- This may exclude brain surgeons. :)
However, no matter your lifestyle, please be supportive of all moms. After all, being a mom is the most important job on the planet. Along with being a dad.
Spread Love.
My life has taken many paths since I had my first baby, since I joined the sisterhood of "Mom." It is a sisterhood, a commonality that reaches to the core of being. "I am a Mom." A tiny (now 16 and large) person was born from me, entrusted to me, and this is my main drive in my own life. There is a duality, a conflict at times, and a solidarity, that no other encounter or rendition of one's being can compare to the state of Motherhood. We lose ourselves, find ourselves, erupt with purpose, spark with miracles, and falter often; at times all within a week. The conflicts of existence abound, all while trying to function w/in daily life.
So, we are intrinsically bound to all mothers throughout time. This bond can be a powerful source of strength and support, for the individual, community, and beyond. Can we fully recognize that power and use it well for all of our betterment?
I have had the privilege to reinvent myself multiple times since my first born was staring into my eyes and I back at him, each of us wondering who the other was. My first months were a haze of learning how to care for a baby. I never even babysat an infant, as the youngest of 11 grandchildren there were no younger kids to mind. The sleep deprivation turned me into a different person and I'm not sure that I've ever regained enough sleep for her carefree-ness to return.
After maternity leave ended, the trends, news articles, and people surrounding me discussed options that were available to stay home (SHM) or return to my career (WM). I made the decision to stay home and felt steadfast that this was my higher calling. I did not expect the gradual loss of self that would develop, nor the grand joy and purpose I would feel from this new existence of caring for another person as my life's work.
We humans are a mixed bag, in continual conflict and discovery of our own selves. Does the bird ever wonder why she is? There is freedom and responsibility with choice that can bury you. A blessing and a curse, if you will.
I don't know how to transition this properly. However, I would like to discuss elements of different states of being that I have encountered in my changes from WM to SHM to WM to "laid-off searching" mom and those gray areas between. The purpose being to lay the groundwork for showing the conflict created between moms, dads, and society of alternating chosen paths. There is a conflict pitting mom against mom that is truly a reflection of the internal struggle individuals grapple with daily.
This side of motherhood is not discussed openly, but it exists. I've experienced all sides of it personally.
A mom who is a SAHM is seen as less, and this is openly shared continually w/out respect or consideration to the individual mom's sensitivities. The WM is seen as protected from criticism, for no other reason than it is seen as prejudiced. Both are moms, mostly, on common ground with a family first purpose.
Some criticisms are, of course, from past battle-fronts. Women are the best caregivers; WMs are selfish; SAHMs are lazy: WMs are cold; SAHMs are not smart; either is neglectful; caregiver's main tasks include cleaning & serving every need - regardless of WM/SAHM; socio/econ prejudice's abound; the kids are spoiled or neglected based on the state of the motherhood in their household.
These could go on for pages, you may know them, or even spoke them against someone. They are societal tags laying shadows upon those key common goals shared by all mothers, the well-being of our children.
Instead of rallying w/each other, moms may lash out at other moms as an aid to justify her own choice.
I'll plainly state it: SAHM, WM, and all the variations in-between are states of motherhood. One scenario is not better than the other. We cannot assume what is best for another mom. Only she can choose best for her and her family.
Our challenge really is: How do we best support each mom so she can choose the best application of her skills, traits, and resources to the betterment of her children?
This is not something that should be controlled. Power corrupts. How do we help our children w/out control and force? The concept of force for the betterment of anyone falls into the extreme, out of the norm, it is a slippery-slope. A case where the common goals are not shared by a mom, would fall into this. However, we cannot build a society around the extreme, which is what we do currently in government. A system is built to encompass every possibility to ensure safety. I get it. It is not optimal. I'd like to speak about an optimal approach to supporting society with the power and influence of Mothers.
My experiences:
SAHM
Activities with little kids included playdates; preschool; making friends with moms I didn't know to socialize my children; researching EVERYTHING; installing safety gadgets; creating schedules; attempting to keep schedules; shopping - my Lord - shopping for food, clothes, diapers, and gear; cook; budget; clip, sort, throw out expired coupons; laundry; doctor appts; inside home care; home decor; outside home care; Schedule appointments, repairs, socialization, and more; exercise; quality outside time; discover the local world of parks, playgrounds, shops, restaurants; the Library
SAHM w/some work (freelance, barter, and pro-bono)
Activities with grade school kids included
school prep including proper clothing, lunches, supplies; daily morning schedule; daily afternoon schedule; sport's gear, sign-ups, schedules, transport, budget; paperwork; inside home care; home decor; outside home care; laundry; library; weekend sports; school events; Volunteer; work sporadically; schedule melding of school, sports, work, events, social; cook; shop; research EVERYTHING; Health appts; FORMS!; Networking for socialization, staying informed, opportunities; exercise; dispute referee
SAHM searching for work
All of the above.
Plus, applying for jobs, resume revisions, interviews, child coverage orchestration (also, learn the art of the phone interview while occupying children)
WM full-time work
All of the above.
Plus full-time work, research to catch-up for the 10 yrs as SAHM, and work outside of work hours
* After plenty of years alternating the above roles, I conclude that SAHM is, in fact, the hardest role on earth.
Suck it up WMs and give credit where credit is due.
-- This may exclude brain surgeons. :)
However, no matter your lifestyle, please be supportive of all moms. After all, being a mom is the most important job on the planet. Along with being a dad.
Spread Love.
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